4 years later...

Blue collared shirt with little rhinestone buttons and black work pants.  I remember every inch of that day like it happened this morning.  Four years ago today my family lost the most incredible person, my Uncle Ottie.  Many of you already know the story bacause he is the main reason I am so active in the MS Society.  What many of you do not know is the battle he fought against that disease.  He had the worst kind of MS a person could have.  He tried all different medications, Doctors, and remedies to just slow down the process of his body being attacked.  That was just the kind of man he was.  He knew it wouldnt completely ever go away but he just wanted to slow it down.  He even tried bee stings, because that was the newest and greatest remedy out at the time.  My Aunt and him kept actual live Bee's in their basement and everyday he would be stung by them.  It helped a little but not enough.  All the meds he was taking were new and no real knowledge of side effects.  One possible side effect in one of the drugs was Leukemia, he took it anyway.... you know the rest of the story.  With the help of technology and time there has been many great new drugs that have come out to prevent this disease from getting worse in people effected by it.  It is too late for my uncle but it is still important to me to keep his memory alive and help others with MS.  That is why I keep active in the MS Walks and Bike MS.  I am doing two rides this year, one in the Finger Lakes and one in NYC.  It is my way to stay close to him.  He rides with me every inch of the way just like he is in my heart every day since 4 years ago today in my blue collared shirt... I love you Uncle Ottie, we all miss you so much! xoxo

Here it goes. In the Fall I began a new adventure in writing. It all started with a little assignment in Communications class. Being a 30 year old in a class room five days a week with a bunch of eighteen year olds can keep one humble, but also gives me a lot to say.  Last semester seemed so much smoother, even though I was taking a full semester worth of credits and working two part time jobs I seemed to mesh better with life.  Since the beginning of the semester it has been a very different story.  Only taking seven credits (because I am almost done with my prerequisites) I thought this would be a piece of cake. It turns out Nutrition is a lot harder than I gave it credit for and Chemistry is more of a nightmare than I can even begin to put into words with a teacher that has zero faith in her students.  On the first day of class she asked everyone to introduce themselves and give their majors. After hearing 90% of my class was for Dental Hygiene she quickly responded with "what is everyones plan B?"  That one little sentence has put me on an Amber Alert for anxiety.  This IS my plan B, this is my passion and the only thing keeping me from my dream is this class.  Writing along with spinning, has been one of my "outs" from school work.  Keeping my sanity and staying calm is not something I do very well these days.  After having a week off from classes last week and working in place of classes I had done nothing but let all my anxiety for the remainder of the semester fester inside of me, already worrying about finals.  Last semester I had done better in school than I ever have in my life, making the Deans List and having a cumulative GPA over 3.5 was such a feeling of success and knowing I had made all the right decisions up to this point.  Struggling this semester with time management and succeeding in class the way I am now accustomed to is something that has made me feel like a failure in these recent weeks.  It has now made me do my absolute worst fear, am I starting to doubt myself and my decisions?  I am determined to make it through this class and be stronger for it.  I just hope I dont let myself down.  

In an article I wrote for the Times Union I talked about "Gut checks"  this is definitely a gut check for me and a 5 month long speed bump.  I just hope between writing and cycling/spinning I will keep my wits, work hard, take one day at a time and smile in the end because it will all be over.